I won the lottery!!

I won the lottery!!

 

Ok, well, it wasn’t the lottery that gets you millions of dollars. It was the lottery of life. What am I talking about? Let me explain.

 

I was born in a first-world country. I grew up with loving parents. I had role models, in my parents, my teachers, and my neighbours, who guided me in the best direction in life. I had the benefit of free elementary and high school education. I gained entrance to well-known universities for my further education. While I came into the workforce not in a time of great economic conditions, they were better than they are now for people starting out. I was able to eventually obtain a job that offers me good pay, stable work and an eventual pension (I know…I know….I told you, I won the lottery).

 

When I compare myself with the BILLIONS of people around the world that have not had the LUXURY of even the first piece of luck (being born in a first-world country), I realize that it was the lottery of life that I lucked out on.

 

Ok, but why did I endure ten years of depression? Why did I view my life as such a downer that I didn’t see any hope for the future? Partly, the reason has been that I grew up as a perfectionist, and I had a different set of goals, which drove me towards “success”. The inability to attain the unrealistic goals I set meant years of labelling myself as a “failure”. Hence, a low self-esteem, and eventual depression.

 

In my long journey to returning myself to a state of equilibrium, I have read extensively from a variety of authors who have done studies into happiness. One of the most well known is Dr. Martin Seligman. In his 2011 book, Flourish, he has written about gratitude. It may be a concept you have heard of in the past – count your blessings, etc… But, Dr. Seligman has conducted research studies which have shown that there are certain ways in which one can “count ones blessings” which are more successful than others in improving well-being.

One of the ways he writes about to gain from gratitude is to do a “Gratitude visit” – “Your task is to write a letter of gratitude to [someone] and deliver it in person. The letter should be concrete and about three hundred words: be specific about what she did for you and how it affected your life. Let her know what you are doing now, and mention how you often remember what she did…Once you have written the testimonial, call the person and tell her you’d like to visit her, but be vague about the purpose of the meeting; this exercise is much more fun when it is a surprise. When you meet her, take your time reading your letter. Notice her reactions as well as yours. If she interrupts you as you read, say that you really want her to listen until you are done. After you have read the letter (every word), discuss the content and your feelings for each other”.[1]

 

Now, I’ve done something like this over the years. I haven’t written 300 word letters to anyone, but I have sent people emails or notes expressing my thanks for them. Seligman’s research has shown that “You will be happier and less depressed one month from now”.[2] I mostly agree with him. When I have sent off those emails or notes, I DO feel better, and less depressed. Since I don’t usually see how the person reacts (sometimes they will write back, but not always), I don’t think I have gotten the benefit that Seligman talks about.

 

However, it is interesting to note, that his 2005 study which revealed this method of treating depression and increasing well-being also showed that the “…gratitude visit produced large decreases in depression and large increases in happiness one month later, but the effect faded three months later”.[3]

 

Seligman et al., found two other, and potentially more effective ways to use gratitude to improve well-being. One of those ways is to do what he calls the “What-Went-Well exercise”. He suggests that “[e]very night for the next week, set aside ten minutes before you go to sleep. Write down three things that went well today and why they went well. You may use a journal or your computer to write about the events, but it is important that you have a physical record of what you wrote. The three things need not be earthshaking in importance (‘My husband picked up my favourite ice cream for dessert on the way home from work today’), but they can be important (‘My sister just gave birth to a healthy baby boy’). Next to each positive event, answer the question ‘Why did this happen?’ For example, if you wrote that your husband picked up ice cream, write ‘because my husband is really thoughtful sometimes’ or ‘because I remembered to call him from work and remind him to stop by the grocery store.’ Or if you wrote, ‘My sister just gave birth to a healthy baby boy,’ you might pick as the cause ‘God was looking out for her’ or ‘She did everything right during her pregnancy.’ Writing about why the positive events in your life happened may seem awkward at first, but please stick with it for one week. It will get easier. The odds are that you will be less depressed, happier, and addicted to this exercise six months from now.”[4] [italics in original]

 

Seligman et al., found that this exercise (and another I’ll write about another time), “markedly lowered depression three months and six months later.” [5]

In fact, they found that “the degree to which participants actively continued their assigned exercise beyond the prescribed one-week period predicted how long the changes in happiness last.”[6]

 

So, while “counting your blessings”, was something my mother used to tell me as a child, it was only as I grew older that I read PROOF that what she said was for my benefit. And for me, it was the scientific proof – borne out of rigourous studies, that convinced me that this approach might help me.

 

And, this brings me full-circle – I did win the lottery. I am ever so grateful that I won the lottery of life. I hope you are, too.

 

 

FOOTNOTES.

[1] Martin E.P. Seligman, “Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being”, (New York, NY: Atria, 2011), p. 30-31.

[2] Martin E.P. Seligman, “Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being”, (New York, NY: Atria, 2011), p. 31, quoting M. E. P Seligman, T. A. Steen, N. Park, and C. Peterson, “Positive Psychology Progress: Empirical Validation of Interventions,” American Psychologist 60 (2005): 410-21.

[3] Martin E.P. Seligman, “Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being”, (New York, NY: Atria, 2011), p. 38.

[4] Martin E.P. Seligman, “Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being”, (New York, NY: Atria, 2011), p. 33-34.

[5] Martin E.P. Seligman, “Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being”, (New York, NY: Atria, 2011), p. 31, quoting M. E. P Seligman, T. A. Steen, N. Park, and C. Peterson, “Positive Psychology Progress: Empirical Validation of Interventions,” American Psychologist 60 (2005): 410-21.

[6] Martin E.P. Seligman, “Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being”, (New York, NY: Atria, 2011), p. 38.